Ladies, what’s one thing we all have in common? Aside from being a woman… What’s the one thing we love to hear?

We love and need to hear that we’re beautiful.

Yet we don’t allow ourselves to hear it even when it’s spoken to us, it just goes in one ear and out the other.

We’ve taught ourselves to do this. We hear it but we don’t embody it.

Letting it go in one ear and out the other creates a vicious cycle. You see, as women, when we go a long time without ‘hearing’ how beautiful we are we start to actually feel that way – unattractive. Undesirable.

The less desirable you feel the less you smile. 

The less desirable you feel the less you take care of yourself.

Que start of the cycle – you feel undesirable, you smile less, take less care of yourself, which then hits repeat and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because other people find people who smile and take care of themselves desirable.

When you feel undesirable you feel as though men are only interested in one thing – sex. You think when they smile or compliment you they’re flirting. 

When your man smiles or compliments another woman you automatically think he’s flirting with her which makes you feel even more undesirable which then triggers an argument that he’s looking at another woman which causes you to contract which means you’re smiling even less which means you now will go home and eat all the junk so you can numb out about how desirable you feel.

The craziest thing about this cycle is two things. 

  1. You are focusing on what you don’t want so you’re calling that in.
  2. Most feedback women get on their appearance and how desirable they are is from other women.

Men and women don’t find the same things desirable. As a woman you, and I, have been taught to have an extremely narrow view of what we consider beautiful and desirable in other women. Que comparison!

Who do you think feels more desirable. A woman who beats herself up, tears herself apart and verbally bashes herself in front of her man and others? Or a woman who takes care of herself, puts herself out there, hears others tell her she’s beautiful and genuinely accepts herself?

When you feel undesirable you isolate yourself, put on the sweat pants, the hoody, through your hair in a bun if anything and pulls the covers over your head so you can hide from yourself and the world.

When you feel desirable, you’re excited to take on the day, you value doing you first thing, you make it a point to fuel your body with foods, music, inspiration that makes you feel good, you prioritize you. You smile. You acknowledge others and sincerely appreciate them. You look in the mirror and are flooded with a profound sense of how proud you are to be you. 

You’re proud to take care of yourself.

You’re proud and happy to be in your body.

You feel worthy of attention

You feel worthy of praise and being told you’re beautiful.

You feel self-acceptance.

You feel confident in who you are.
You trust yourself.

You love yourself and you’re no longer seeking validation from others because you know you’re desirable to the person it means the most to – yourself.

When you feel loved, cherished and desirable to yourself, you won’t have room to feel fat or ugly or undesirable.

How can you overcome feeling undesirable?

It’s simple – you face your fear. 

  • fear of others being insincere when they say you’re beautiful. The negative self -defeating thoughts like,  “How could he really like me? He must be lying” change to thank you and a feeling of confidence that leaves you buzzing because you feel so good.
  • Fear of failure.
  • Fear of divorce.
  • Fear of temptation.
  • Fear of rejection.

The fear can become so choking that it is hard to breathe, much less to thrive and feel desirable.

The good news is this – love trumps fear. 

Until you learn to love yourself as you are, you will not feel desirable and you will continue living your life in fear, shame, self-doubt. 

You are capable of loving yourself now. You don’t have to wait until you have those results, the money, the job, the cute clothes. It’s possible for you now.

You know this in your heart. If you feel that ping then you know it’s possible.

My goal is to help you overcome all these arbitrary rules, all the stories you tell yourself, all the negative thoughts you feed yourself each day.

You are beautiful just as you are.

You are wanted.

You are needed.

You are perfect.

You are desirable.

THIS is the work. 

#together #selflove #itsnotaboutme