You did it, you finally got yourself to quit smoking or quit biting your nails, or you gave up sugar – woot-woot! You’ve been going four weeks strong; everything is going great. You feel better than ever. The sun is shining; there’s a breeze in the air, you don’t catch yourself thinking about your next drag or when that next sugar high will come. You’ve done it. You broke your habit once and for all. But wait, what’s that off in the distance? It’s a family get together; it’s a night out with the girls, it’s a breakup, it’s self-sabotage.
Funny how sabotage sneaks up on us this way. Everything is going good; it’s going great then bam! This thing comes out of nowhere and knocks you off your rocker. All your efforts are strewn across the ground like dropped loose change. You hear each effort bounce off the ground like it’s laughing at you for thinking you could do it this time. You tell yourself this time is different, you’ve done so well. What the hell happened!?
Welcome to what most people call self-sabotage
I don’t believe in self-sabotage. I believe people tell themselves stories to create an experience they desire. People experience what they want to be experiencing.
You see, when we start something new to change who or how we are, we go into it with false expectations, OR we go into already thinking we’re going to fail.
Or, we go into it full-hearted. It’s going great then that one small thing happens that makes us question our efforts and our one tiny set back feels like Mount Everest, and we shame ourself.
Newsflash: you haven’t failed. You just provided yourself feedback, and you’re winning the game you set out to win.
What if you chose to think of this ‘failure’ as a learning block rather than a setback?
What if we think of these moments as winning the game we’re playing? If thought of from this perspective we’re not sabotaging ourself, we’re setting ourself up for success, for what’s to come.
Related article: How to Make Time for the Most Important Things in Your Life
Have you ever played a game? Any game – Halo, tennis, football, chess, etc.
How does a game work?
You play off the strategies you know, and you observe the other player’s actions and along the way, you notice your opponent’s strategy, and you begin to anticipate their next move. This is the same thing! Your mind is your opponent and it knows when to make its move.
Have you ever heard successful people are resilient?
Success is largely determined by resilience.
– Stacey Morgenstern –
I love this quote and it’s true of your health, wealth, relationships, work, sports, business, anything. You’re doing great and then have a sudden setback, fall off the wagon, become demotivated and quit doing what was working so well for you then your success rate will naturally decline.
Leave a comment below and let me know what you do when these things happen. Do you throw in the towel or do you pick yourself up and say, how can I do this better next time?
With love,
Becca xoxo
It depends on how my mind might view that failure. IF it doesn’t hurt me it makes me stronger
Yes, it does make you stronger. However, I believe everything is an opportunity even when it doesn’t seem like it. So even if it hurt you at this moment, there is still a positive intention from the situation. It’s not always obvious at first, but in hindsight, we grow to appreciate those moments.
I try to always pick myself back up when things happen. Of course the reality is that sometimes I feel the need to throw in the towel first but I generally get back in the saddle after a little self pity or feeling of failure.
I love the idea of “think of this ‘failure’ as a learning block rather than a setback”I wish so many people did this instead of self harm and doubt…
This is why we don’t listen to others … don’t listen to ourselves … but listen and consider. Think about what we’re hearing. Evaluate what the message really is.
So true! I couldn’t agree more. This best describes our struggles when it comes to health, exercise, as well as with our parenting style. And yes, as long as you bounced back with all willingness and start from where you left of, then still you are in the right track.
What you say is very true. People do in fact choose to see every failure as a setback rather than a learning block. Hopefully more people read your post.
I was raised, as a product of my circumstances, either to be resilient or not make it. I’m resilient as a result. Don’t have to practice it, it’s just my status quo. Resiliency is something I hope to teach my children!
self-sabotage is the same about negativity because instead making things that you need to self sabotage make a things that can make you success and also discipline is always the key! I hope you get what I mean 🙂 thank you!
It took me a long time to realise it was better from me to just deal with whatever it was if I could and move on.
Interesting read. It’s up to how you deal or handle life’s challenges. Failure isn’t the end, it’s a lesson that you need to overcome.
I put on my big girl panties and move forward when I experience a setback. Nothing good comes from living in the past.
Excellently put. It’s really all about perspective, and how we as individuals perceive our failures or setbacks.
In the past I desired many times to give up when the “oops” moments came. However, due to the plan that was on my life I had to command myself to move forth.
There are things in life that you alone can deal with, your inner self and self-motivation to do things your way. I don’t believe in self-sabotage either. There is always good in everything even the smallest idea you have in mind.
I always try and find the life lesson behind any failure. I think its a better way to look at life and has gotten me through things much better these days than in the previous 🙂
Well, I was a quitter, I would say. When some things don’t work for me, I quit it. Then I look for another option or opportunity to knock.
I really like this way of looking at it. Very interesting indeed.
I strongly believe that the failure sometimes makes us stronger.
I had failed many times in my life, but every time I learn something new from the failure.
Interesting point of view, thank you for sharing